Smackdown begins its 9th season with the wedding of Teddy Long & Kristal Marshall. Raw diva Maria Kanellis is our "host" this evening and welcomes special guests the Ying Yang Twins. They're soon joined by Vince McMahon & Jonathan Coachman. Coach acts even more ditzier than Maria usually does, thinking the Ying Yangs are a country act. Maria belatedly congratulates Vince in re: Hornswoggle, but the chairman won't acknowledge the cruiser champion by name.

In the ring, we find that ring announcers Justin Roberts & Tony Chimel have switched assignments, with Chimel now on ECW. Batista is out to start the show proper, fresh from regaining the World title from Great Khali at Unforgiven. He says all the right things and gives props to his pal Rey Mysterio. Mark Henry interrupts, no worse for wear, except maybe for a knee brace on his right leg, after losing to Undertaker at Unforgiven. The Olympic Powerhouse gets the Deadman again next week, but will face Batista later.

After the break, Maria & the Ying Yangs are joined by another guest from Raw, IC champ Jeff Hardy. Like Batista, Hardy appears to have joined GQ Nation, and lets one of the Ying Yangs hold his belt.

Match 1: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Jamie Noble Now, this is like old times. A cruiserweight match to start the action. Does anyone other than moi remember when these two were part of a tag team in WCW back in the day? Anyway, this one's a dandy. Yang uses a buzzkick to set up a jumping enziguri for 2, but Noble comes back with a Fujiwara armbar. Yang makes the ropes to force a break. Late in the match, Noble thinks he sees Hornswoggle at ringside, judging from the green derby. However, it's really Shannon Moore, messing with Noble's head. Yang hits a tope, then a double jump moonsault, to wrap this one up. Winner: Jimmy Wang Yang.

Noble is glaring and jawing at a laughing Moore post-match.

MVP & Matt Hardy are having another competition backstage, this time a standard NFL drill where you have to put a football through a tire hanging off the ceiling. MVP misfires the first time, then puts one through. Hardy does him one better, going 2-for-2 before Porter intercepts the 3rd toss. Porter sidesteps another challenge for the US title, and has lined up a match for the tag champs-----NEXT!

Match 2: Matt Hardy & MVP vs. Deuce & Domino (w/Cherry)(non-title) Return match from Unforgiven. I really thought D & D might take back the titles at the PPV, but it just wasn't to be. However, when the tag team champs are a dysfunctional unit, well, opportunity just keeps on knockin'. Domino got in a cheap shot on Porter early, and paid for it by getting knocked off the apron. However, Deuce hit a standing enziguri to the back of the head to give the ex-champs the advantage. Porter would return the favor with an enziguri of his own, but it took him a week to make the hot tag to Hardy. Matt hit the Twist of Fate on Domino, but Porter, the self-serving glory hog, wanted to collect the fall, but Matt avoided the blind tag. They argued, and Matt shoved Porter down, only to be schoolboyed by Domino for the clean pin. Winners: Deuce & Domino.

Domino has pinned both halves of the tag champs on successive weeks. Maybe losing on Sunday may've been just a bump in the road after all.....

Teddy Long is backstage with Ron Simmons & Butch Reed, along with Teddy's lookalike son Antoine, and "Rev." Bruce Bruce, who will conduct the ceremony. Teddy's promising to make Kristal "holla, holla, holla". Be'lee that, playas.

Michael Cole interviews Rey Mysterio. They rehash Mysterio's title run last year, and the subsequent feud with Chavo Guerrero, which ended----for now, anyway---2 weeks ago in an "I Quit" match. That they revisited that says that Chavo will resume his issue with Rey upon his return from suspension in 2 weeks. JBL cuts in and switches places with Cole, only to cut a promo on Mysterio, who then reminds that he was the one who retired J-Me-L nearly 18 months ago. Layfield feigns like he's going to fight, but because of contractual obligations, he can't. So he calls on Finlay, whom Mysterio beat 3 weeks ago to earn a World title shot. Finlay decks Rey with a microphone to the head, then leaves. Rematch next week, no doubt.

Raw Rebound, same as on Tuesday, and we don't really need to see this again.

Carlito, also in a suit, arrives for the wedding. Not so for Chuck Palumbo, who just cranks up the engine on his bike. The Ying Yangs are digging.

Recapping the Diva Search next. Naomi was the first one to be eliminated as of Tuesday. Clips of the limbo competition are previewed. Todd Grisham is the luckiest man on earth right now.

In the bride's quarters, Kristal has her mom with her, along with Vicki Guerrero, Torrie Wilson, & Michelle McCool. Jagged Edge, tonight's musical guests, enter, and do a little a capella for Kristal. Reminds me of Boyz II Men, one of the top vocal groups of the 90's. Sweet.

Match 3: Batista vs. Mark Henry (non-title) It might've meant something if they decided to shoot for the works and have Henry challenge for the title right off the bat. After all, the issue between him & Batista goes back almost 2 years, and this would be an appropriate culmination. Unfortunately, this isn't it. The match doesn't go very far. Batista hit the spinebuster on the Olympic strongman, but before he could set up the Batista Bomb, Great Khali came out. Batista met him on the floor, and hit him with some shots, but as usual, Khali no-sold. Henry followed Batista out, but the champ met him with a spear. Khali with a chop to the head. Ref Mickey Henson kept counting. The bell sounded. Khali ran Batista into the steps, then rolled him in. The Khali Vise Grip set up Batista for a clothesline from Henry, then the Khali Bomb (tree slam). Winner: None. It's assumed a double-countout, although the right call should be Batista via DQ for Khali's interference.

Now, it's time for the wedding. The last time there was such a ceremony on Smackdown was all the way back in January 2003, during Stephanie McMahon's administration. Dawn Marie "married" Al Wilson, Torrie's dad, who was "killed off" a week later. You have to hope that things will be much different this time. Wrestlers & divas from all 3 brands make their way out, the procession led by Bruce Bruce. Coleslaw gives away that Bruce is usually on BET's Comic View and is a personal friend of Teddy's. Hacksaw Jim Duggan is rocking the Kurt Angle look (sportcoat over a pullover). IRS (Mike Rotundo) didn't bother with a suit jacket. Balls Mahoney just threw a tie on over his shirt. Did Duggan put a necktie on his 2x4? That is SO 1991. Almost everyone else represents GQ Nation, and in a way, that includes Hornswoggle, who comes out from under the ring with a small folding chair and a phone book, so he can sit next to Coach.

After the break, the ceremony gets underway. Kristal has never looked better, tell ya the truth. Jagged Edge performs "Let's Get Married". Their CD drops Tuesday, y'see. However, throwing water on the party is the love child of Alfalfa and, oh, I don't know, maybe Gracie Allen? That would be Jillian Hall, who tries to sing, but does about as well as her idol Britney Spears did at the VMAs. Candice Michelle was one of the divas that carried her off. Then, the Godfather shows up with some "ho's" (paid models). Elijah Burke is grooving to the beat. Teddy turns down the request to ride the Ho Train (DUH!), and forces Ron Simmons to remain. You know what that leads to. Anyway, most of the guys leave, including JBL, despite Vince pointing him back to the desk. Hacksaw gives him a pat on the back. Hornswoggle has been slapping Coach's head, and ends up leading Coach on a merry chase, including under Kristal's dress. Vince joins the chase, and off they go, leaving Pat Patterson & Gerry Brisco as the only men left in the congregation.

Hastily, they get to the finale. Kristal says "I do", but before Teddy can reciprocate, he grabs his chest and collapses. Kristal screams, and the other divas are in shock. Teddy is being loaded on a gurney to end the show. Expect Vicki Guerrero to take over as GM next week.