 We open with a recap of the title match from last week. Chavo Guerrero plans to celebrate with a "championship fiesta" tonight. Ay caramba!
Match 1: Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin Last week, Benjamin eliminated Kane to win a mini-battle royal warmup for the Royal Rumble. On Sunday, Kane finished 4th, while Benjamin was----somewhere up the track. Anyway, this match spins out of last week's events, and on paper should be main event quality. Early on, Kane went for the top rope clothesline, but Benjamin in one single bound met him at the top and hit a superplex for 2. Shelton even dusted off the Dragon Whip to block a chokeslam, but couldn't capitalize. Benjamin goes up top, but Kane meets him with another attempted chokeslam. Benjamin cuts that off with a hot shot. However, he pauses on the floor, and when he runs back in, Kane's waiting with a boot to the head that prompts Benjamin to decide to leave, taking a deliberate countout. Winner: Kane.
Match 2: Kelly Kelly vs. Victoria The question here isn't whether or not the former women's champ wins, but if Kelly can survive. After seeing Raw's resident doormat diva, Maria, score an upset last night, maybe there's hope that lightning can strike twice. Vic went for the Spider's Web, but Kelly turned that into a spinning headscissor takedown. She hit a running huracanrana and got a two count on Victoria. Lena Yada & Layla are at ringside cheering on the former champ, who ends any hope of an upset with the Widow's Peak. Winner: Victoria.Post-match, Layla helps Kelly up, only to knock her down again. Jealousy is the story between the former members of Extreme Expose now, with Balls Mahoney written out of the picture, and Mike Mizanin busy defending the tag team titles. Colin Delaney is backstage. He's up for more torture. NEXT!
Match 3: Colin Delaney vs. John Morrison & Mike Mizanin (non-title) The tag champions are next for the human crash test dummy in a handicap match. There is no explanation for why Delaney keeps getting put in these situations, although I smell a senile old rat being involved. Can you say squashola? Thought ya could. Wheelbarrow flapjack. Reality check. Corkscrew neckbreaker. All that, plus the embarassment of a 1-finger (Morrison), 1-foot (Miz) pin. Winners: John Morrison & Mike Mizanin. Post-match, the champs, perhaps upset after being eliminated in the Rumble, continue the assault. Ref Mike Posey could've called for a reverse decision DQ if he so desired, but the champs fled when Tommy Dreamer made the save. Well, it's about time someone helped Delaney.
Match 4: CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke One week after being cheated out of the ECW title, Punk starts up the ladder again against an old patsy. Burke has been MIA the last few weeks while his pal Shel Benjamin has been racking up wins (until tonight, that is), which doesn't make any sense, but with the thin roster, they do have to rotate people every few weeks. Burke gets heat on Punk by applying a bodyscissor-chinlock combo 3 different times, but can't close the deal. Punk comes back and hits the running knee to the head in the corner, but Burke shoves out of the bulldog. Burke runs the ropes, and runs right into the GTS. Good night, sweet prince! Winner: CM Punk. Footage is shown of Rey Mysterio hitting the 619 on Smackdown GM Vicki Guerrero, taking a bullet for Edge, at the Royal Rumble. Odds are pretty good Vicki's pulling out the neck brace again for the party at the end of the show.
Match 5: Kofi Kingston vs. Rob Ecko Squashola #2. Much smoother than last week, to be sure. Ecko's best move was a mere kick, and Kofi answered that with a standing dropkick that is right up there with the likes of Hardcore Holly. Boot to the gut, front enziguri. Good night! Winner: Kofi Kingston. The mariachi band is warming up, and the Guerreros are ready to party----NEXT!
Armando Estrada is in the ring with the mariachis, about to introduce Chavo Guerrero. Vicki & Edge are "in absentia", as Vicki is selling the effects of the 619. Edge appears via video, and unless Vicki does the same on Friday, Teddy Long's back in charge on Smackdown. A video montage of Chavo's career, culminating in his illicit title victory last week, is shown, including archived audio commentary from his WCW days by Bobby Heenan. Chavo cuts a promo, but doesn't notice that a guitarist has his back turned behind him. One guess. Chavo does a Mexican Hat Dance without the hat as green & red balloons rain down from the rafters. Chavo bumps into the guitarist, and, WHAM! El Kabong strikes in the form of CM Punk. Like, you couldn't have seen that coming, could you?
|
