|We open with The Miz, gloating about beating Randy Orton at TLC. Of course, he'll never cop to the fact that he had help. What follows is a parody of "A Christmas Carol", and as Jerry Lawler helpfully submits, Charles Dickens is rolling in his grave. Alex Riley & Michael Cole are the ghosts of Christmas Past & Present, respectively, while a picture of "Angry Miz Girl" Caylee appears on the screen. Miz, as we know from the "Dirt Sheet" skits he did with John Morrison, is a fan of Conan O'Brien, who in turn resurrected the Synchro-Vox method used on "Clutch Cargo" & "Space Angel" way back in the day. Anyway, "Caylee", voiced by an unknown diva, warns of Morrison being the #1 contender. Morrison is out, and cuts a promo on his former partner. Riley intercedes, as Cole had finally gone to the desk in the interim. A brief scrum ensues between Riley & Morrison before Sheamus comes out, and attacks Morrison, not satisfied with losing last night. As Riley & Miz try to leave, Lawler punches out Riley.
The GM is heard from, and we have a 6-man tag. Lawler, Morrison, & Orton vs. Miz, Riley, & Sheamus. Naturally, Orton appears just as Miz goes through the curtain to send his message.
1. #1 contender match for the Divas title: Alicia Fox vs. Melina vs. Eve Torres.
Very short opener, with Natalya at the desk for commentary. Back & forth it went, with all three women, all former champions, jockeying for position. It ended with Alicia holding up Melina in the electric chair. Eve set up for the Doomsday Device, but Melina, getting her wits about her, hit a victory roll and pinned Alicia. Winner: Melina.
Post-match, Natalya went to congratulate Melina, only to get slapped, so Melina's turning heel.
2. Non-title: Daniel Bryan (w/the Bella Twins) vs. William Regal.
Most of you know that not only was Bryan trained by Shawn Michaels, but by Regal as well. These two last clashed during NXT season 1, a match that Regal won. Here, they're given more room to work, as this literally is a teacher vs. student match. They traded uppercuts for what seemed like forever, and then Regal tried for the Regal Stretch. He shifted as Bryan escaped and went for a butterfly suplex, but Bryan countered that as well, and eventually clamped on the LeBell Lock. Regal tapped immediately. Winner: Daniel Bryan.
Post-match, Bryan is showered with kisses by the Bellas, and they set it up so you could see the lip prints on Bryan's face. Cole is jealous.
Backstage: Orton & Morrison meet, and Orton warns that should Morrison become champ, the Viper will come after him. He also warns that he cannot be trusted. Yeah, he's the new Austin. Tamina is giving Santino Marella a backrub by standing on him, an old "Jeffersons" riff. Maryse interrupts, and that gets broken up quickly. Mark Henry & Gail Kim talk about the fact that Nexus is in absentia, but the fresh air is quickly polluted as Vickie Guerrero & Dolph Ziggler walk through.
3. Tamina & Santino Marella vs. Maryse & Ted DiBiase.
If you thought the Bellas-Bryan coupling was strange, how about Tamina and Santino, teaming for the first time? The guys start, and it's about what you expect. Santino sets up the Cobra, but DiBiase tags out, meaning Santino has to leave. Tamina destroyed Maryse. Superkick, followed by a Superfly splash, a la her Hall of Fame father, Superfly Jimmy Snuka. Winners: Tamina & Santino Marella.
John Cena is out to address the WWE Universe after beating Wade Barrett last night at TLC. He shows the post-match cascade of chairs 4 times. Luckily for Wade Barrett, he was under a pallet, and wasn't seriously hurt, though they'd like you to believe otherwise. Vickie Guerrero & Dolph Ziggler interrupt. Vickie tries to talk, but the crowd's booing is so loud, well, she & Cena end up laughing about it, and this is Vickie's home state. They queue up the comedy routine from last week, and that leads to more fat jokes from Lawler & Cena, leading to Ziggler vs. Cena----next!
4. Non-title: Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero) vs. John Cena.
Best match on the show so far. Ziggler, representing for Smackdown as well as his misbegotten "girlfriend", matches Cena hold for hold, move for move, but the camera clearly catches Ziggler calling something in the corner before an Irish whip. Ziggler hit a dropkick for 2, and got a ton of near falls. Sleeper was countered and blocked. Cena locked on the STF, but Guerrero distracted ref Mike Chioda, and Cena released the hold as soon as he heard Ziggler tap. Ziggler uncovered a turnbuckle, but as Chioda fixed that Guerrero threw the IC belt into the ring. Swing & a miss, and Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment. Winner: John Cena.
Post-match, CM Punk left the desk and hit Cena with a pair of chair shots. I guess Punk will feud with Cena instead of Daniel Bryan as he's coming off the DL this week. Punk's explanation to Josh Mathews is that, after the match with Wade Barrett last night, Cena got a tast of his own medicine. Punk had defended Barrett all night. Punk left the building, and, as of right now, Michael Cole will have the unenviable task of calling the main event all by himself.......
Lawler is confronted by Sheamus backstage. The King of the Ring winner dusts off the time-honored cliche, "The King is dead! Long live the King!". If that doesn't lead to Triple H returning tonight, what does?
Vickie is angry, but she's figuring on revenge, putting herself in a handicap match tomorrow with Dolph Ziggler vs. Cena on a special live edition of Smackdown. Someone's going to be squealing like a pig!
5. The Miz, Alex Riley, & Sheamus vs. John Morrison, Jerry Lawler, & Randy Orton.
Josh joins Cole at the desk. The match starts off rather even, but then Morrison tweaks his left knee, and the heels get the heat on Morrison. Orton finally takes the hot tag, and cleans up on Miz. Riley tries to help, but eats an RKO. Miz boots Orton in the face, but the former champ falls right into his corner. Lawler tags himself in, and down comes the strap. A couple of quick punches, but Miz counters and tries the Skull Crushing Finale. With ref Charles Robinson busy getting rid of Riley, Orton hits the RKO on Miz, and Lawler pins the champ! Winners: John Morrison, Jerry Lawler, & Randy Orton.
Post-match, the GM confirms the handicap match, and then announces a rematch between Miz & Orton for Smackdown. Miz & Riley attack (Sheamus & Morrison were on the floor by the end of the match), but Orton fends them off, and Miz runs away to end the show.